honk if you love.

i flirt too much.

I am well aware of the fact that I am a very flirtatious person. I used to say that I didn’t see the harm in flirting. It’s quite a fun activity to take part in, and it’s always refreshing when you meet a guy or girl who could partake in a flirty, effortless interaction and completely hold their own.

Eventually I realized I was absolutely wrong. Flirting, though it can get you out of a lot of things, it can also get you in a lot of trouble. Like having boys you have no intention of dating somehow get the message that you’re interested. Instead of saying, “WHAT?!?” I should be saying “Ohhhhhhh…” 

Anyway, now that I am a grown up, it’s become something that I have identified as a very serious problem and am working towards self improvement. I am more careful about my body language, tone of voice, choice of words, and pretty much every single thing about how I portray myself. I have to make the conscious effort to not flirt because it occurs so naturally for me. The version of me that doesn’t flirt is incredibly dry, boring, and lacks any sense of personality. In short, I come off as a total bitch.

I’m still working to find the balance between showcasing my personality and an acceptable, workplace appropriate amount of “flirting”. (I don’t believe I shouldn’t flirt at all. Flirting isn’t a bad thing. It just has a very negative connotation.)

I have a coworker. I don’t know how he sees me, but I would like to think he sees me as a potentially awesome friend. Naive? Maybe, but he has a girlfriend that he speaks of pretty regularly so I feel like there is an adequate barrier between us.

Here are the facts of the situation: We have the same sense of humor. We enjoy the same types of things. We like the same types of people and, adversely, we dislike the same types of people. He likes to talk to me on Lync (our workplace version of AIM) about nothing work related. He also likes to sit next to me in every meeting in which we both are in attendance. Additionally, he likes to text me about non-work related subjects. Lastly, he has invited me to hang out with him and his friends for Memorial Day weekend. I have yet to accept, and I don’t think I will.

I may be reading too much into this, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I am working on ensuring that our interactions are very platonic and appropriate. It’s hard though because he flirts too. I fully support harmless flirting (I think it’s very healthy), but it shouldn’t exist in the workplace. It’s also incredibly dangerous because I haven’t succeeded at setting hard, definite boundaries for myself yet. 

In summary, I need to quiet my flirtatious nature and find a way to still be outgoing, welcoming, and approachable. 

I’ll let you guys know if I get into any trouble with this coworker person. If all goes well, I’ll have a new friend! (We all know how hard it is to make friends after college.) And if I fail, work will be SO awkward. Oh no.

Wish me luck! I really want a new friend!!

Certain Uncertainty

On Thursday of last week, I officially accepted and signed my Extension Offer for the internship. I will be kept on until August.

There was a small light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.

On Friday of last week, I was verbally promised……..everyone hold your breath…………………permanency. Nothing is official until papers are signed, but still a decent reason to be happy.

This was a bright, blinding light at the end of a tunnel. It feels sort of like I’m wandering down a dark, seemingly endless tunnel, and I look up only to realize that there is a train barreling down the tracks towards me.

Gaining permanency in the company, though, takes an intense amount of effort and patience. The worst thing is that you have no control over it. The effort that is required isn’t your own. It’s that of your director’s, who is three work levels removed from you. This means that he/she has bigger and better things to worry about than getting an intern permanency. 

Patience is the only thing required of you during this process.

What is necessary is a director that will champion your permanency and push it through all levels of approval. There is an intern here that has been waiting nearly a year for his permanency. On the other hand, there is an intern who gained his permanency the very day his internship ended. What’s the determining factor? How much your director likes you. What determines how much your director likes you? I applaud all of you that answered with work ethic and merit, but we live in the real world. In the real world, what determines the speed at which you gain permanency is personality. It’s kind of like high school and, just like in high school, it pays to be in with the cool kids.

I would like to believe that my director likes me. According to my manager, he is quite fond of me. I can only hope that my permanency arrives before my August internship end date. Otherwise, it’s sort of like I tripped, accidentally kicked a lever, and this train that was barreling towards me has now switched tracks and is barreling away from me.

An uncertain seemingly certain future, at best.

slowly, but surely, i am growing up.

it’s been so long!! this is mainly due to the fact that I am living an Amish lifestyle in this share house. I have no TV and no internet. But then one day, I discovered something amazing: I can steal WiFi from an inn located around the block from where I live!! I know what you all are going to say: “BE CAREFUL!!! They can steal your information!!” I’ve used it with no signs of potential identity theft for the past three weeks, so…..i decided to log in to tumblr. Fingers crossed they don’t hack my account and post horrible things!!

Some updates:

1. I am apartment hunting! I’m doing my best to stay under budget and find a good place in a decent neighborhood. There are some dirt cheap apartments around here, but they’re located in neighborhoods similar to the one I’m currently living in. Translation: ghetto. I’ve fallen in love with 2 places, but they’re $100 over budget for me, and that doesn’t even include utilities! I’m super excited to have my own place!!! It’s mainly because I can’t wait to NOT be living with a psychologically unstable housemate (LONG STORY but short version: that bitch is crazy.). But I’m also excited to DECORATE!!! yay!!!!

2. I’m having my mid-internship program review this upcoming Friday. My manager and I will be discussing my performance thus far and my possible future with this company. Hopefully everything goes well so I can finally feel confident enough to sign a lease to my own place! And if everything does go well, we’ll have another reason to all get together and celebrate!!! How do I feel about it so far? I feel like I’ve performed quite well. No major “OH SHIT!” moments, but definitely some minor “OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!” situations. I hope this all works out. I never thought I’d be a buyer in food retail, but falling in love with the company has definitely caused me to consider changing industries. What amazes me most is how much all the employees love this company. There’s this whole sense of teamwork. We’re all working towards a larger-than-ourselves common goal. It makes you feel like your work counts for something and that you’re contributing to something more meaningful than wider margins and greater profits. 

AHHH so many random stories to tell you guys, but I don’t think they’re tumblr appropriate. I’ll let you guys know how everything goes after Friday!!

Barack Obama singing I'm Sexy and I Know It

Eating cold leftover pizza is a college kid thing.

Eating cold leftover Il Fornaio pizza is an I’m-a-22-year-old-with-a-relatively-decent-income-and-only-3-hours-of-personal-time-after-work-before-I-have-to-sleep-and-I’m-going-to-spend-it-on-tumblr-and-not-on-cooking thing.

I have been partying every Friday and Saturday night since late November 2011. That’s 5 months straight that I haven’t missed a night out.

Before March 2012, all that partying was a method of coping and maintaining my sanity.

Now, it’s all a celebration.

I am happy and life is good.

I thank the universe every day that I am employed. And, more importantly, that I enjoy what I do. I will never complain again about having to get up before the sun does. I won’t whine about the late hours. And I won’t moan about the missed social outings. I realize now how much of a blessing it is to have a job - something I never would have realized if I hadn’t struggled as much as I did.

I thank the universe every day for giving me what I needed when I needed it. It gave me a mountain to climb when I began acting too entitled and selfish. It gave me assholes because I wasn’t grown enough for a good man. And it gave me friends to help me through hard times.

And after all that crazyness, the universe gave me an opportunity that I never thought would come. When I learned the importance of goodness, it introduced me to a great guy. And now that life is good, it ensures I have amazing friends to celebrate it all with.

Life is good and I am so happy.

Thought Catalog: How To Have An Orgasm

I can't do drugs.